doesn't matter

geebomz will be gg for his cataract surgery on wed. i am worried though i know its a minor surgery.

tonight is yet another sleepless night.

i have made many mistakes in my life. some grave some not so. wasted many years of my youth as well. who is there to blame? no one but myself.

time can heal all wounds people say. its really true. just that after wounds heal, there will be scars left behind. scars which will be there to remind u of things u would rather not be reminded of. remind u that there's an empty place in your heart which no one and nothing can ever fill up.

babies, i miss u so. you were once all i had. no one understands how badly i miss u boys. everyone thinks i am mad. so does gee. and how can i blame anybody? after all, not many people are this pathetic, so much so that they have no one else in this world, so alone, that they give all their love to 3 dogs. every night when i look at your photos, i always wonder if there will ever be a chance i can run my fingers through your fur again. i know there wouldn't be.

i used to say i would hate anyone who took you all away from me. i guess deep down i knew someday it would come true and finally it did. but i hate no one now. hatred is poison. its not healthy.

will i ever recover? will i ever be the same again? but what is 'the same'? haha, its probably been way too long??

yunlei called me the other day. but i din answer, neither did i bother to call back. she was supposedly my best friend. yet i have nothing to say to her. everytime she asks me out, i turn her down. why??? i have no idea myself. i think its because i am not interested in answering questions on how i am etc etc. cos it really doesn't matter how i am anymore.

doesn't matter.